076

My sporadic behavior in writing in my blog is consistently inconsistent.

Post-grad life has been wonderful. Instead of staying up to 2AM desperately trying to complete a handout on necrotizing enterocolitis and studying for quizzes where questions have been arbitrarily chosen to make me feel why I ever bothered to study, I am watching episodes of the The Walking Dead trying to catch up with the season 4 premier in a week.

2013 was an excellent year for me. Here's a small list of some of the neat things I did:

• Graduated with my PharmD! (Dr. Dinh is in!)
• Got the honor of being maid of honor for my best friend's wedding during rotations 
• Traveled to San Diego, New Orleans, Las Vegas, Cancun, and Ensenada
• Went on a cruise with some of the best people in the world 
• Got licensed in CA and TX
• Got a job and new car
• Paid my first student loan
• Gave my first tithe!!!!! 

I turned 25 a few weeks ago too. I feel great and excited to see what else the world has to offer post-school. I'm thinking about starting a separate blog featuring all the hilarious and heartwarming conversations I've had with patients at the compounding pharmacy and free clinic. Even though I've graduated, the learning has continued and I've gladly welcomed all this new knowledge from my colleagues and patients. Cheers to a great New Year in 2014! 

074 sweet and salty

Dr. Dinh is in! Photo credits to Joanna Rao

After each adventure into academia, I always say to myself, "That went by so fast!". I will continue to utter this phrase with every life moment that passes by, waving its hand, directing me into whatever unknown awaits.

My pharmacy rotation experience is likened to walking through fire, but excellent in every way imaginable. I remember nights when I was a blubbering mess because of my self-inflicted idea of failure in disappointing my preceptors. But more often, I remember months when I joyfully looked forward to the next day of what I would learn and how I can grow. The past year taught me perseverance, time management, humility, teamwork and most importantly, how to love others.

These past nine months was a taste of the working world. I would describe it as salty and sweet. The grind of each day, whether it be 6AM to 8PM, 9AM to 5PM, or 12PM to 8PM, brought on the salty taste of hardwork that is often left unappreciated and unnoticed. Yet, the reward in helping a patient, praise in one's work, and human redemption was a sweetness that balanced the saltiness of each day.

The working world is drastically different from school and I found that being a Christian in the professional world takes on a slight variation of the flavor while I was in school. Here's what I brought to the table:

1) Spend time with God. In prayer. In the Word. On your commute to and from work. In the shower. While you're making food. I set an alarm early in the year on my phone labeled "Dad Time" to remind me to do devotions at 10PM every night. During the first few months of rotations, it was a glad reminder to take respite after a long day of work. As the months wore on and with different rotations, I fell into the habit setting a special time (not always at 10PM) aside to either do devotions, read the Word etc. The alarm is still set at the same time as a reminder for me that setting apart time with my Father is important. The time I spent in daily prayer and/or Word was critical in my attitude day to day.

I recall the story of Jesus visiting the sisters Mary and Martha. Martha was so busy preparing the house, she did not have anytime to spend with Jesus. On the other hand, Mary sat at Jesus' feet to listen to him. Martha was upset with Mary and implored Jesus to tell her sister to help her to which Jesus gently responded,

"Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

This story in Luke 10 is an important reminder to place Christ as our number one priority despite the hectic life that consumes us with worldly things.

Keeping this lesson in mind and with much stumbling along the day, by the end of my rotations, I was not running on empty fumes but by God's grace and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

2) Work hard. In school, it was very easy to share the Gospel with others. At work, company policies and work etiquette often discourages the discussion of faith in the work environment. Opportunities to share the Gospel may seem more difficult to find without a discerning eye. While I waited patiently for those opportunities, God reminded me to live out the Gospel through strong work ethic. For me, living out my testimony pointed me to 2 Cor 5:17. I am in Christ and the old has gone and the new has come! For me, obedience to Christ looked like coming to work on time, turning projects on time, being proactive, helping others and not cutting corners. I was saved to do good works and I want to live it! People would notice and entrusted me with more responsibility professionally, and to my surprise, personally. And these are the moments to share what God has already done on the cross, and what a good work He has done indeed!

3) Love like Christ loves. I admit, this portion is tough to swallow. It is much easier to love the person who has been super joyful to have you counsel them on how to take their medication than the jaded patient who likes to perpetuate their bitterness onto others or the preceptor who enjoys lording their superiority at your own cost. Yet Christ calls us to love one another. Not to exalt ourselves, but Him!

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:33-34)

Matt 5:46-48 takes it a step further to love those who don't love you back. Definitely an area I am still growing in.

4) Listen to others. As a pharmacist and pretty much most jobs, you're going to be interacting with co-workers, clients, customers, or patients daily. It's sometimes easy to pass off the next person you're serving as a statistic/profit in your daily queue to simply get things done. However, each person you are serving has a story and a soul. Listening goes a long way and tuning an attentive ear gives rise for opportunities to glorify Him!

5) Speak with kindness. Listening to others and speaking with kindness go hand-in-hand. I don't mean sucking up to your employer or being a push-over but I mean speaking with thoughtfulness and consideration. Saying "You suck and need improvement" and "I noticed you have been coming in late more often. How have you been doing lately? What can we do to avoid this from happening more often in the future?" can mean the same thing but one sounds much nicer than the other and is more likely to respond better. Open communication is key for any type of relationship. I'm not the best when it comes to speaking with kindness, and each day I pray for God to grace my mouth and mind with wisdom.

Much of what I learned while on rotations is a revamped dish from some lesson I learned while in school. Though I feel most of them originate from my favorite, humble pie. I definitely pushed this food analogy too far, but it's past the point of no return now.

Switching gears, right now I am studying for my NAPLEX, MPJE, and CPJE and in the meantime, looking for the elusive "job", and considering re-applying for residency depending on where my interests are in the next few months.

I wait in great anticipation with what God has already planned ahead, trusting in His sweet goodness and sovereignty.

073

This past Sunday was my 23rd birthday and next Monday will be one year since my baptism, my spiritual birthday. There has been so much reason to celebrate, not for my physical birth or even my public declaration of faith, but a celebration that this was the year where I learned what it mean to deny myself. I celebrate my death. I celebrate that Christ not only died for me, but He died as me.

I thought the price of obedience to God looked like a relationship born out of duty, humility, and letting go of worldly desires. It isn't even close. It is so much better - infinitely so!  Obedience to my Dad is trading in my petty wants and desires for His desires - which is by no means an easy feat - for ultimate joy.

If I could compare my own desires to a pocketful of sunshine - doing well in school, traveling to all 7 continents, being an awesome pharmacist, getting married, sleeping in til 9PM, eating anything I want and not suffering from imagined-GERD - then the joy of God is like the very sun itself multiplied by the number of stars in strength and magnitude. That is how weak my desires are compared to the desires of my Dad and what He wants for me. How could I refuse? I can't! Haha! There is so much more to be said but I was not gifted with words nor eloquence but I was given His joy for my obedience.

072

This Sunday I went to my first Christmas church service at Sugar Creek in Texas. Not saying I haven't attended a Christmas service before, but this year, Christmas fell on a Sunday. There was a lot of singing, praise was infused with classic Christmas songs, prose, special performances and the pastor gave the message. I don't even remember the pastor's name and am embarrassed to say I don't remember much of the message either but it was probably about the nativity scene.

A duet came on the stage and sang this song. The lyrics are about how Christ could have had the choice to enter the world with all pomp and circumstance - all of heaven's power at his fingertips! He could have descended upon us like a rushing wind, a furious storm, or a blazing fire but no, Christ came like a winter slow, quiet, soft and slow in the form of a baby. One of us. Grace came to us in the night, nestled in a manger. It's really beautiful when I think about it. A powerful, awe-inspiring being, God in the flesh, reduced to the form of a crying babe to be with us and to save us. Light finally came to scatter the shadows.

We ended the service by candlelight. There was probably close to 500 of us in that room each holding a small lit candle singing "Silent Night". The scene was very still and quiet like a winter snow. 

071 Friends I Can't Wait to Meet Revisited

It’s been about a year and half since I wrote this post about people I am looking forward to meet in my future. I am revisiting this list because not only have I met these friends I have added more.

Nomadic Herdsman: Ok, the likelihood I am going to run into one of these guys is low but after reading The Alchemist, who wouldn't want to meet a shepherd boy turned adventurer in search of his dreams? Can you imagine the stories and seeds of wisdom just frothing out like a root beer float? I'll meet you Santiago at the Pyramids.
-----> (Update 12.23.11) Ana Laura Gonzales; it took me awhile to realize this one but my Pequena is a living embodiment of Paulo Coelho’s Santiago. She has a Personal Legend and the universe is conspiring to help her achieve it!

Prophetic Artist: Amy Shain (07.30.10)

Wine Aficionado: Stephen Anthony Lee (05.31.10)

Knight: ---

Parkour Dude: ---

Recent additions:
 
Boy with the Bread: Aka Peeta Mellark from Suzanne Collin’s The Hunger Games Trilogy. I adore this character. He’s kind, witty, charming and self-sacrificing. And he can bake bread and paint! HE’S SO GENUINE! Even though he is a fictional character, somewhere in the world a personality like him exists. What a friend he would make!

A prince: I’ve always wanted to meet someone royal just to say I have!
-----> (Update 09.18.2011) Prince Henry Ankrah; my very own mentee! Who would have known? And such a godly man as well. Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Henry and Chioma Ankrah!

Walking Sunshine: This friend is the sort of person who radiates warmth and light by merely standing in their presence. You feel strengthened by their light like sunrays and you know a conversation with them will leave you with a smile and feeling better.
-----> (Update 12.23.2011) an individual who was also right under my nose! Thank you Miss Hanna Sung for entering my life and reminding me of how much I am in love with my Jesus.

070

Little blogger, how have I neglected you!

I come with no comics, interning stories, or any sort of the ramblings that I usually write about but I come with the Doggelganger - a New Zealand pet adoption agency that matches your face with a dog you resemble most!

One day, one day, you will be mine Merlin. 

068

Today I feel inadequate.

067

Today was my last day of community IPPE and it was so bittersweet. It is amazing how 160 hours have flown by so quickly yet so slowly at the same time. Even though it was my last day, Gregg wasn't even there. So I will have to drive back up to get my affidavit signed anyway. A Pacific alum named Chris was the RPh for the day. He had tattoos all over his arms and showed me pictures of his other tattoos on his chest too. If you could imagine what a pharmacist should look like, he definitely was not that.

Chris is quite the chatterbox as well. I am pretty sure he broke some sort of confidentiality while divulging his nephew's personal life to me who I so happen to know. When we weren't talking about pharmacy, our conversations dabbled in music, raising a family, religion, and Dr. Floriddia.

Even more impressive, I was able to have these conversations while filling AND making calls...LIKE A BOSS. I felt my last day was a good way to end my last days at the Laguna Blvd CVS. I will miss you Gregg, Gordon, Crystal, Carla, Ronish, and Cindy. You guys make an amazing pharmacy team and I have learned so much from all of you.

I will be heading into my geriatrics IPPE next semester which I am looking forward too but I know it will present its own unique challenges. My friend Daniel, who just finished his geriatrics IPPE, told me a depressing story on his last day. He was talking with one of the nurses and a patient comes in asking where his wife was. The nurse calmly replied, "Remember, she passed away?" He had forgotten that his wife has died just a few weeks before. That story just breaks my heart and I really hope I will have the strength to stay positive.

065

Grace is the overflowing favor of God, and you can always count on it being available to draw upon when needed. "...in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses" - that is where our patience is tested (2 Corinthians 6:4). It is not a question of praying and asking God to help you, it is taking the grace of God now. We tend to make prayer the preparation for our service, yet it is never than in the Bible. Prayer is the practice of drawing on the grace of God. Don't say, "I will endure this until I can get away and pray." Pray now - and draw on the grace of God in your moment of need.

In all things, display in your life a drawing on the grace of God, which will show evidence to yourself and to other that you are a miracle of His. Let circumstances take you where they will, but keep drawing on the grace of God in whatever condition you may find yourself. One of the greatest proofs that you are drawing on the grace of God is that you can be totally humiliated before others without displaying even the slightest trace of anything but His grace.

Excerpt taken from my My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers, June 26.

It is amazing the amount of God's grace that has been poured into, over, and all around me all my life. And even more throughout college and pharmacy school. It really is true that his grace and provision will always be more than enough. Today, while I was in the office, I found out I received two scholarships toward my pharmacy education. The first thing I did when I found out was thank God and then I called my parents to let them know the good news. I am immensely grateful and as I sit here, all I can think about all the blessings that have taken the form of people, opportunities, gifts, and memories that God has filled my life with.

064

I am feeling much better now.

---

I'm in pharmacy school and I would like to think I have matured a little since my days as a wee freshman in college. But some things don't change.

Last week I went into the pharmacy for the first time since midterms started and as I was doing the usual dispensing, consulting, and doing my intern thang, I pull out a label for Cialis. Awhile back, I wrote an entry on this prescription drug and I mentioned to Gregg how the first question he told me to research pertained to this drug. Not content to leave the conversation as it was, he told me to look up its duration of action and how often a patient can use this drug on my handy-dandy smartphone that I bought recently. After much scrambling, I managed to find the literature and report to him my answer.

As I was putting away baskets, he tells me, "You need to face reality".

Me: "...huh?"

Gregg: "Some people do it everyday".

Me:
Fortunately, I haven't had the opportunity to consult a patient on Cialis yet but I imagine I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face. I'm not trying to laugh at the poor guy's flaccidness or anything, I just don't think I have reached that level of maturity yet.

I then proceeded to have the most awkward conversation with my preceptor about drinking, clubbing, and sex. He also told me how I would be a bitter person by the time I reach his age as a pharmacist. I told him, "My spirit will never be crushed!" And then Gregg, being the ball of sunshine he is, tells me, "10 years from now, I am going to come to your pharmacy and poop on your counter and leave it there. Let's see if you'll be happy then"

Gregg, I will bag your poop and gladly consult you how to properly dispose of it.

063

I feel abandoned and despite my best efforts to get out of this feeling, ironically, abandonment won't leave me.

Hebrews 13:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”

062

The pharmacy was quite pleasant last Thursday and I had a very enjoyable and productive day. Gregg's task for me that day was to go through all the OTC aisles and write down every product I would recommend for certain disease states. It nearly took the entire day and I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of OTC and homeopathic remedies available. But it was definitely good to go through these products and now I can recommend ANY OTC! BUAHAHAH. I just need to go over the consultations and review their active ingredients...boo.

Back at school, I am taking an independent elective course that our group has lovingly called P.R.O.V.E: Pacific Rx Outreach Video Education (or something like that, we honestly just wanted a cool sounding acronym and everything else fell into place). The premise of the elective is to create patient education videos on drugs for certain disease states in a way that makes medical jargon make sense and show how your pharmacist is an awesome resource! Most importantly, we want to make these videos accessible to our patients who may not have the best health literacy so we plan on translating them in a variety of languages and focusing the videos on certain ethnic populations by incorporating familiar cultural aspects into our projects. ANYWAY, our first disease state we're tackling is diabetes and my job is the illustrator and finding information on glucose meters and test strips. So now this is where I tie in all the stuff I have been researching into the pharmacy setting...

The highlight of my most recent visit to the pharmacy was when I had finally reached the pharmacy counter to look up the diabetic meters and test strips. One of the techs was helping a customer in finding a lancet but instead, she was holding a glucose meter. She saw me, gave me a look of desperation, and left me there holding the glucose meter, my notebook, and a blank stare from the customer. In my head I was thinking, "Now is the the time to P.R.O.V.E my knowledge of diabetic devices!!!" Sure enough I explained to the patient what she was looking for and pointed her to the correct product. I felt like I was spewing rainbows because I was so glad to put my knowledge to use.

Bottom line: It feels good to help people.

058

About a week ago, I spent an afternoon at my friend's ranch. One of the many highlights of the day was jumping off some rocks into a cool pool of water that coursed its way through their family's land. The experience was something out of a book, like A Separate Peace, but without anyone dying. It was so surreal.

After returning to campus, even though I was physically at school, my mind was still back in Oakdale, where I had just spent a great day with my friends. My mind was replaying the day's events of walking through a herd of cows, jumping into freezing water, flying kites, and simply enjoying nature. It's sad for me to say that I once thought places like this did not exist anymore and I could only read about it in books. I don't mean to say that there is not enough nature around for me to enjoy. What I mean is that this day was a very intimate experience shared among a group of 18 friends and only us, no tourists, no outsiders, simply friends.

At times where I was walking by myself, I would think, "God, this place is beautiful. You made this. Thanks".

That day was the best way to start off my spring break. I don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity to go back but I sure would like to come back.

Credits to Yvonne Mai for the photograph. BOY'S CLUB! :o)

051 my baptism

Matthew 3:13-16

Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to John, to be baptized by him. John would have prevented him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?" But Jesus answered him, "Let it be so now; for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness." Then he consented. And when Jesus was baptized, he went up immediately from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and alighting on him; and lo, a voice from heaven, saying, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased."

Today is my second birthday because I made the choice to be baptized at my church in Stockton. The first church that I went to when I started college. The first church where I didn't have to ask for the approval of my parents if I could attend. My freshman small group leaders were there to immerse me in the waters. I can't even articulate the immense joy that I felt as I was raised out of the waters. My best friend came up the night before to spend time with me for a few short hours. My parents and friends who live almost 2 hours away, woke up early to drive all the way to Stockton to come and celebrate with me. My friend, who doesn't even believe in God came. People even told me the great extent at what they had to do so they could come and see. I was asked to share a brief testimony and why I chose to be baptized. I definitely was crying and still crying as I entered the waters. When did I become such a cry baby? haha I'm incredibly blessed to be surrounded by friends and family like these but even more blessed to have a Creator who would look upon me and tell me that He is well pleased.

049

January must be the month to blog for me because I have been pretty consistent this past week. Today I am celebrating my 2nd day of being 22. I realize that my past two entries have been about my birthday, which may seem like I am making more of a big hoopla over being 22 than I should have when I turned 21. Which isn't the case. I celebrate my 22nd year with such enthusiasm because my 21st year following up to my 22nd was so freaking amazing. When I look back this year, I think "Damn, I did good". The equivalent of my feelings right now would be close to graduating or the completion of a masterpiece.

I thank God for giving me His unlimited strength to work, pledge, and make the decision to break up with my boyfriend.

I thank God for showing me His wonders by letting me globetrot to four different continents.

I thank God for revealing Himself in people I should aspire to be more like and to pursue.

I thank God for surrounding me in fertile soil so that I may be constantly growing.

I thank God everyday.

A couple of days ago I asked a friend who recently turned 22 as well how it felt to be another year older. He begrudgingly replied, "There's nothing to look forward to anymore. Twenty-one was IT." His response made me sad because I wish he would have lived his 21st year like it was his birthday everyday (minus the alcohol). This year is my golden year and I am going to live it like it is.

048

Today is my golden birthday and it has been a glorious day. I am so thankful for the amazing company, calls, texts, and messages that I have received today and even more grateful for the friendships and experiences these have filled these past twenty-two years.

Twenty-one was an AMAZING age for me and I know twenty-two will be just the same. WOOHOO!

047

When it comes to food, a saying that I enjoy living by is "Don't knock it before you try it" profoundly said by my good friend Harrison. I have tried many a-wonderful foods because of this saying. Take this picture of a casserole my roommate made for me as seen above. Last year, Jaclynn had asked me if I wanted to try some casserole she made out of bacon, tater tots, cheddar cheese and eggs. I disgustingly said, "I don't eat casseroles" but I reluctantly tried it anyway. As I bit into this heart-attack-in-a-casserole, I was sent into a paradise of cheddar cheese waterfalls, prancing bacon ponies, and potato fields that shimmered in the shining sun. Yah, it was damn delicious.

This year, I asked her to make the casserole again for my 22nd birthday. Much to my delight, after a short morning of classes, I come back greeted by the savory aroma of delicious casserole. Never again will I hate on food that I haven't tried.

046

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:"

Ecclesiastes 3:1

This place is so temporary. I've been blessed, for the most part, with amazing roommates since day one at college. I've heard of the saying, "Because you can never have too much of a good thing" and in this case, it either kills you or is taken away from you someway, somehow. This is me being selfish because I know these circumstances will lead them to greater heights but I cannot help but already miss them even though two of them are still here. Thinking out loud, I wish we both shared a love for pharmacy, I wish we both passed PHRM113, I wish I had all the money in the world to pay for your housing. I am wishing for many things right now.

040

Just came back from China, where there is a 14 hour time difference and I am jet-lagged like woah.

Have you ever experienced two extremes? In Egypt, I faced over 100 degree weather everyday and probably sweat buckets by the end of the day. In Beijing, it was well below zero degrees (-15 C) at the Great Wall. Ice crystals would form on my peer's eyelashes because it was so cold.

To appreciate one thing, like heat, you need to experience cold, or the absence of heat. To experience true joy, you need to know what true sorrow is. Even a little bit of each is good. Like the saying goes, "what goes up must come down" and vice versa. I believe in constant growth. I see these hills, valleys, and plateaus and I want to overcome them.

That's me on the Great Wall of China in below zero weather, feeling quite joyful.

038 just the way you are

"Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars is one of my favorite songs that came out this year. When I came back from Egypt, I asked my friend Joline about current events that I had missed out on while abroad. She told me to listen to this song. At first, I didn't think it was anything special. The lyrics aren't profound or complex and are relatively simple in its message. In this simplicity, I find it so appealing. This song dashes out any insecurities, fears, and low self-esteem that women have about themselves which prevent them from realizing how truly amazing and beautiful they are! I love to belt out to this feel-good song when I hear it on the radio. It makes me want to tell all my friends and family that they are amazing, just the way they are, faults and all.

Shout-out to some lovely ladies:

Jasmine: As my other half, you should already know that my beauty is a reflection of yours. They say that a person's beauty can be attributed to the company they keep. I'd say you've already won Miss Universe in my book.

Joline: Princess Arwen, you are the shining star of Elendil. You are beautiful because you're a deep thinker with a creative mind that knows no bounds. You = intelligent + musically talented + funny = HOT.

Mariham: My bodacious Egyptian roommate. You're going to have keep the men off of you when you move back to Fresno. If you got it, flaunt it. Girl, you definitely got it.

Jaclynn: Sassy, sexy, sweet, and smart all in a petite figure like you. IT'S TOO MUCH TO HANDLE! As Sean Kingston would say, "Somebody call 911, shawty fire burning on the dance floor..."

Preet: The Punjabi Pearl of Pacific. You are the pretty princess in pink who provocatively points to her pudge which I pine to pet while piping prose. Pie. You are no pushover and please stay poised, pretty, and perfect.

Ana Laura: Pequena, I love you so much! Your radiant smile and cute little dimple (note: singular) brighten my day like an oven light after baking cookies. You give me warmth and the feeling of joy. I'm so proud of the beautiful struggles that you've gone through. You are gorgeous little one.

Angelina: My first memory of you is at Ambo retreat during the circle time. We were asked to touch someone who we would like to get to know better. I knew I made the right choice because you've added so much joy and perspective to my life. You grow more beautiful each day.

It's finals week for us pharmacy students and many of my female classmates have gone au natural because studying > gussying up. It's nice to see them in sweats and without make-up. During this time, I feel that this song is a wonderful reminder that we are so wonderfully made.

Psalms 139:14 says it best," I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." To my Creator: I feel beautiful because you shine through me even in my bum clothes and disheveled state of preparing for finals. Thanks again!